Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
When his dad called you, you should have given him no information about where you were. Much better to have told your father-in-law that, if his son wants to know anything, he needs to call himself.
He still thinks he was justified in telling you to get out?????????????? Because that was necessary in order for you to "get it."???????? First of all: He has no authority to "put you out." You're not there as a guest. You live there. Were he to ever try and forcefully keep you out of the house, you could have him arrested. He knows that himself. So do his parents. He did this because he figured you'ld accept this mandate and comply with it. The two of you have not really communicated at all in any meaningful way whatsoever. He still thinks he did what he needed to do and was justified in doing. Round up a hundred guys in a jail and ask them if this is an okay thing to do, and probably 99 will tell you no. And the one guy who differs would most likely be psychotic.
This isn't a normal marital quarrel. Your husband is nuts. And you are now asking him why he didn't pull you aside? to explain what was wrong??? What do you think you did wrong? But now he's satisfied that you finally "get it?" So you guys have gotten nowhere. Nowhere.
Seeya, your husband is not acting like a child. That's putting way too nice a face on it. That's minimizing what is going on. A child wouldn't even think to come up with the stuff he comes up with. But you are certainly right to consider this stuff unacceptable.
In this marriage, according to him, you have zero rights . . . not even a right to a roof over your head. We've all given this guy every benefit of a doubt. It sounds like you have tried. But you're back where you started.
Here's another thing that is very peculiar. He was great to you for 6 years, and suddenly went completely off his rocker. His dad was "So Good" to you - for years - and suddenly is against you, telling his gf not to talk to you. I'm sorry, Seeya, but people do not change suddenly from being just great and so good over to be reprehensible. There is something wrong that you are this blindsided by people like this. It strongly suggests that you go around in a daze with no clue what the people around you are about. I know you are young, but 6 years??? seriously???
I'm so glad that you seem to be getting the logistics worked out of what you need to get in place, if you leave this marriage. That shows foresight. I can't tell you to get a divorce. It's possible that being alone would be more lonely for you, and there is absolutely no guarantee that you will find a better guy. (Though at age 24, I don't see how you couldn't. I think if you threw a stone into a crowd of guys to see who it landed on, any guy at random would likely be a better partner. Then again, you were happy for 6 years. Maybe, this will blow over and you'll be happy for another 6 years. That's not a bad deal. But I cannot see how that happens.
If you do get some therapy for yourself, which I think might not be a bad idea, don't go trying to figure out what kind of a disorder your husband might have. Go to find out what is it with you that you can think you are in a perfectly fine situation, only to have this sort of thing happen and you to be taken 100% by surprise.
I don't know what's wrong with your husband, but, based on what you've reported here (and you do come across as earnest and truthful), his behavior and attitudes are off the wall crazy. This didn't start a few months ago. You need therapy to figure out why you were blind to who he is for 6 years. Or just talk to sensible people who know you, and maybe know the both of you. You have friends and a nice family. Anybody mature and sensible can probably give you some good advice. Never mind trying to diagnose your husband. I don't know if he has a personality disorder and I don't care. You don't base your management of your relations with people by trying to figure out what diagnosis they might have. Leave that to the psychiatrists. Any sensible adult would tell you that this whole episode with your husband, if what you've told us is the whole story, is just crazy and insane. Do what is good for you. What do your parents tell you about this whole business?? I would be horrified, if I had a daughter come to me, saying she was told to get out of her home by her husband. Good luck.
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Yes for six years we were all one happy family. When this all happened I talked to his brother. His brother and adviced me to call the pastor that married us. The pastor is a great family friend. I called him and met with him. He tried contacting my husband and his dad. After a couple of times of the pastor trying to contact my husband he called is dad. The dad called tbe pastor and told imago stop meddling in his business. There is nothing wrong with his son other than stress at work and some rocks in his marriage. The pastor called me and said he was done trying to talk to him. He was asked to bud out. He talks to me all the time. He to is shocked with the behavior of my husband and his dad.
Now as far as his friends. He sees one almost every morning and works out with him. His other friends have stopped contacting him because if what he has done. I'm talking four of his close friends. When one of the names comes up he only has bad things to say about them and the girlfriends. My friends are all shocked by his actions and so are my parents. My parents both say he fooled them and would of never of thought he would of done what he did.
So it's not just me saying he wasn't like this. No one has seen this personality in him or it was in him and something triggered it out.
No. He has not apologized for what he did. I'm waiting for that. When I said he could of pulled me aside or sat me down. I meant he could of communicated with me. He said I wouldn't of got it.
he really believes in his mind that by not cooking everyday I was a horrible person. When I asked to help match socks I was a nasty person. Whenn I asked him to shut the dresser drawers after he got something out he really thinks I was a raging with.