I feel like I'm at a crossroads. On the one hand, even though I definitely don't feel like I'm in a place where my ED is 'under control,' I do feel like, in the context of being 'uncontrolled,' it is the best it's ever been. At the same time I have definitely plateaued. I do not feel healthy, vital, energetic. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, as the saying goes.

In four months and a bit my wife and I will be moving out of the city to a different place. I am nervous about what affect a whole new environment (a place I've never lived before) will have on my depression, anxiety, panic, and eating disorders. At the same time, it is a small city that has is an epicentre of health and justice, and so there are many more treatment options for me there that I simply cannot access here due to lack of funds and availability, like herbal and traditional medicine, acupuncture, and an eating disorder program that is not only community based and self-referred (just have to have a GP), but also includes things like art and expressive therapies and energy healing, all of which I respond extremely well to as a creative and empathic person.

So, in a sense, I have hope. I have hope that I can begin to heal on a level that works for me, and not for the various health professionals that really just keep regurgitating the same information to me. I just hope I can get there in one piece.

I wish you all the best today - the most peace, the most safety, the most ease of mind that you can possibly have.