I wish you weren't going away this weekend. I really need to have contact with you daily. I need you. I can't talk to crisis and be honest like I can with you.

I hate that I need you so badly. I so want to runaway/push you away because I just have this feeling I'll get hurt. I tried so hard not to get attached but that didn't work. You even acknowledge last night you are glad I let you in. I shouldn't have. I should have just kept my distance like I did for over a year. Why am I so stupid. I'm so afraid you are going to leave me, push me onto another therapist. Can't tell you that I love you as a friend but I really do. I try to convey how much I appreciate everything you do but I don't come across so well.

The more you care the worse I feel. I'm not a good person and I wish you could see that. Maybe if you did you would come to the same realization and stop caring. That's what I need you to do so I can survive for right now because this feeling is killing me.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! I hate this. Darn it why me why now.