What bothers me about your situation is that you have never told him that you refuse to be treated like that & if he wants to continue acting the way he's acting that he's the one that is forcing the divorce to happen. Right now, you have been silent on that aspect & he's blaming it all on you & you are accepting the blame silently rather than turning the blame for the marriage falling apart on him. Even if you do place the blame on his behavior, he might not accept it but at least then he would HEAR THE OTHER SIDE.....right now, your side has never been heard by him....you just continue to ask him questions rather than make a firm statement of where YOU ARE COMING FROM.

I lived with a H who for 33 years never apologized for the things that he did......when I went through a trauma, & was trying to explain to him what was happening, he looked at me like I was crazy....I would ask him to do things during our marriage & he would look at me like I was speaking a foreign language.....then the final touch....he totally ignored the letter from the IRS about back taxes & totally refused to talk to the lending company about the foreclosure......the IRS situation was about my inheritance money that he really blew it on & major back taxes were owed.....NEVER one apology....& he could NEVER explain even WHY he ever did anything when confronted.

It wasn't until last year after being gone from him for 7 years (haven't been able to afford the divorce yet & obviously he's not interested in getting one) that I started to read about Asperger's even though I had been suggested that it might have been the problem after first leaving him.....but reading about it explained 100% of everything I had experienced with him.....the point is that in reality it doesn't matter what I know that he has.....the only thing that it does for me is give me an understanding of what I went through & also helps with the level of anger that I had built up toward him over the 33 years.....but it doesn't change his behavior & it doesn't change that there is NO WAY IN THE WORLD I could continue living under those conditions & his parents have no interest in KNOWING that the his problem is something that he's had all his life. My therapy is focused on my healing & on my self care when I do have to interface with him on things that still need resolved because he does NOTHING on his own without me still forcing him into action & even that takes a LOT of force....his incapability is still frustrating but not like it was when I had to live with it 24/7.

After dealing with what I went through......it's important to confront them, but when it ends up being pointless for WHATEVER REASON....it leave the only solution is to leave.