I am so sorry you were abused as a child. No one should have to go through that. And to be confronted with that again is more than you may want to endure. Your mother is also abusive in the way she is responding to your concern. Why doesn't your mother go take care of your grandmother?

I am quite emotional about this because I was abused, but not in the same way, more mental and emotional. I have limits that I have set. I feel you are putting yourself at risk of being hurt again and should discuss this with your therapist that knows your situation better.

You don't have to answer these questions in the forum but they might be worth answering with your therapist.

Do you really have to go back there or are you fulfilling some family obligation? Why doesn't the former abuser care for the grandmother?

Do your parents have control of your life or are you doing this to be a good person? Why doesn't your mother go take care of your grandmother?

If you ask me, unless I felt strong enough to meet my abuser, and i had a VERY good reason to do it, I would hesitate and postpone as long as possible.

If you ask your therapist if you are strong enough for that, that is one way to justify going. But having a safety plan is important. A weapon can be dangerous to you. Using a weapon is not advised unless you have training in hand to hand combat or martial arts. Some women prefer mace or other non lethal methods that could be easier to use and less likely to damage the user.

Never being alone with your cousin would be one of the conditions for me to visit. I think maybe this whole situation might be more than a reasonable person would ask of you.

Please be safe.