I know there are thousands of different reasons people see therapists and endless types of therapy so lots of reasons WHY therapy can go "bad."

And I know that assigning blame is probably pointless, but when one ends up in a bad therapy relationship I think it is normal human nature to try to figure out what went wrong.

In my case I don't know what went wrong because he refused to see me anymore and he used about four different explanations and then my doctor told me another explanation. I have come to the point of totally placing the blame on him. I don't think it is fair any longer to blame myself for this when I have no clue what I did wrong or if I did something wrong. I also tend to place way more blame on the therapist in other people's "bad" therapy."

I know there are situations where the client makes threats or doesn't pay, but outside of something really egregious I think it is on the therapist when therapy fails. They are the professional and they are way more responsible for how things go in therapy. We can't give them the credit when therapy goes well, but refuse to give them the blame when it goes bad. We can't say they have all this knowledge and then let them off the hook when they screw up. I'm not saying everyone does this, but a lot of people put more blame on the client and look for something the client did or didn't do so they can say it was their fault. Again, not saying everyone does this, but it does happen. I think it comes from fear. They want to believe their therapist could never do something to severely hurt them so they blame the client.

Therapy is such a bizarre concept to me now. It seems so unnatural and so dangerous and so scary. I poured my heart out to someone and told this person things I will never tell anyone again and had never told anyone before. I was terrified these things would repulse him and disgust him so much he wouldn't see me anymore. I told him that. He said he would never do that. He would see me through to the end. He would never give up on me. He would never make me do anything I wasn't ready to do, but in the end it was all lies. He lied.

I'm not sure what my point is except I am not taking the blame for it anymore. I don't know what I could have done differently and he didn't tell me so I know it isn't me. It was him. He changed and not in a good way.

People might think there are red flags for things like this, but not in my case. I never saw it coming. I will never be blindsided like that again though. Never. I expect the worst from them and if it doesn't happen that is great, but I have no hope of fully trusting the therapy process (whatever that means) again.