Hi, as some of you know I have BP1. I don't post in the forums often, but I wanted to get all this out.

First of all I've been super depressed lately which is triggering my behavior. I'm also an addict in early stages of recovery.

So today my sister's boyfriend came to stay the night. Now he's lived with us for periods of times at points and it makes me uncomfortable and annoyed to have somebody else in my house that isn't my mom, my sister, and I. So I got mad at my mom and my sister and asked them why he was here.

My mom then preceded to get super mad at me, spilling all of her problems with me. She said "you make everyone around you feel like ****" and "you don't care about anyone other than yourself and your girlfriend" and "what motive would you have for those texts, I don't understand". So I try and explain to her that I feel like **** which sometimes comes out on others and that I try so hard to be the best I can be. I told her sometimes my illness manifests in ways that hurt other people and I don't mean it. She then precedes to say "maybe you should be in the hospital" and then questions if my relationship with my girlfriend is healthy (which it is).

I go to group every week, I hold down a job, I take my medication everyday and she says "why don't you do more to get yourself better, maybe you need the hospital". It just makes me feel terrible, all of this. I try so hard everyday and then my mom just made me feel like I'm not doing close to enough. She questioned the thing that makes me happiest, my relationship, and every time I bring up my illness as a factor in the way I act she says "well then maybe you shouldn't be making life plans"..."maybe you should be in the hospital".

This is a wall of text and I don't know what the point is, I just needed to get it all out. Thank you for reading this.