<<I never expected to end up with PTSD, I had thought I would rise up as I always had before, that just did not happen. I had come back from a lot of bad things, even almost dying and fighting a long battle to recover. For me, what got me is how everything I had built up "in spite" of all these horrible challenges had been so badly destroyed/damaged and overwhelmed me.>>

Exactly! My cup ranith over years ago, so why now does all this stuff have to surface at one time? Most of my life I knew that there were ups and downs and we had to adjust and move on. That's what we were taught. There was no PTSD back then, no reason for medication or counseling and we survived (in our own way and own minds). I'm just wondering if all this attention on it now is making it worse for me. Making me think about it more. That's the only variable that I can find that was different from back then, when I could deal with bad situations and move on. Things that are described as trauma now were just bumps in the road back then. Politics involved? with drug and insurance companies? Maybe. I don't know, just tired of being tired. Want to move and be off the grid, well mostly. I like having an indoor toilet and shower with hot water