Partless, thanks for noticing my responses . I try. I don't always do it, sometimes I get too depressed, or overwhelmed, or just lose track of things. But I try when I can, because I know it feel really bad to reply to someone, and then not get any kind of acknowledgement. Maybe not for everyone, but for some of us, it can sting a little. And, I do appreciate it when people take the time to reply on my threads and join the conversation and share their experiences and thoughts!

The family stuff sure is hard, isn't it. It's one thing I've had to come to accept, I've realized that I can't go to some people in my family (mom!) for support, because they are literally incapable of providing support or empathy. When I've tried reaching out in the past, I've gotten hurt worse. So, it's better, for my own sanity, to avoid doing that with them. Unfortunate, but lesson learned.

I think I understand what you mean about not trying to guess how we would feel if things happened to us, since so much of our context is different. But, for me, I can't really turn that off. It's just this automatic emotional gut reaction. Even when reading here, some things people have written about friends and family members, I just get overwhelmed with imagining how I think that would feel very quickly - it's not a conscious decision, it's more like a visceral reaction. It's probably worse when I'm already in a rough place though, so I probably need to take that as my lesson to be careful about what I read or pay attention to when I'm not in the best space. Thanks.

And, yeah, the individual differences around what is traumatizing are kind of fascinating!

Skywalker - "I'd like to introduce the possibility that when in crisis of that magnitude, you don't consider yourself traumatized. You consider what has to be done day by day." -- oh yeah, that makes sense. It's like when you get injured, and are hyper-focused on what you need to do, and only later realize how much it hurts (I think that's similar to what you're describing). Except on a much bigger scale. Makes sense to me.

Thanks Divine1966! I haven't looked up the books (!) yet, but I will...

Thanks SallyBrown. This: "...the people who are willing to talk, and who are most celebrated, are often the ones who have done best. " - makes a lot of sense to me. I was thinking about this, and I think you expressed it much more clearer than what was rumbling in my head.

It's really interesting that you have colleagues who are studying personal difference in resilience to trauma. That must be fascinating work... I think, personally, it attracts me because it's hard to not look at my own stuff, and see how small it is in the grand scheme of things, but how hugely it has affected my life. It feels disproportionate, and I wish I could better understand why (and of course, fix it!)

I'm really sorry to hear what you're H's granddad went through too. This is the kind of thing, when I read it, I felt like somebody just reached into my chest and was squeezing my heart. I hurt for him and obviously, nobody should have to suffer through things like that.

And, great point about how much easier it is for people to be supportive of illnesses that are clearly visible and understood. Thanks!

DoYouTrustMe - Thanks for sharing that, and I'm sorry that ALL of your grandparents went through that (but glad that they survived and found each other!) I don't think that I had realized how much of an effect that survivor's guilt could have on people - I was just thinking of the awfulness of the experience itself.

Thanks Myrto. That's a really good point about learning to not talk about it, because other people get uncomfortable, but how unfortunate . I really do get the impulse to just bury the bad things, and keep doing what you have to do to survive and get through the day, but I'm sorry that people had that experience of being shut down by others. I really hadn't thought of the "how could we let this happen" aspect either - it's a bit hard to grasp, because when I read, it seems that there was so much deception going on at the time (and communication was so difficult compared to today), that a lot of people honestly had no idea what was happening until it was clearly too late. That was the impression that I got anyway

MissBella, thanks for the wikipedia link! I'll have to take a look (I want to go read it now, but I'm afraid if I'm away from the response window too long, all my typing will disappear, so I'll finish this first!) - and wow - interesting that it was already seen as "history" by the time you studied it in school. It sounds like the whole country really did want to just put it behind us?

Thanks Scarlet... it's interesting to hear about your fiance's grandmother and how she's managed to keep a sense of community around her! Times really are different in that way, and I agree, it's a downside of technology. I think we're losing something, and it's ironic in a way, because we DO get some new ways to connect via technology, like this forum. But, the face-to-face stuff seems to be harder... and even when people are there, they're not always 100% there (i.e. they may be checking their phones instead of connecting with the person in front of them!)