It sounds like you know you need to change but don't really know how to do it. Sometimes, it does help to remove yourself from situations for a bit so you can sit back and really reevaluate things. What do you see when you think about what you want for yourself and your life? Is it anything remotely close to where you are now?

Could you do a trial separation from your husband and see if that might give you some breathing space for a while? Are you working and able to financially support yourself if that is an option?

It sounds also like you need to do some self care and need support so you don't end up causing harm to yourself either through actions you take or physically if it gets to that point.

I understand how potentially leaving your marriage could be distressing to think about, but if you truly are not happy and know in your heart it is not what you want anymore, you also need to think about yourself despite who it might hurt because you are in the marriage, no one else is. The hurt from it will eventually fade with those who it involves (your children and whoever else is close in that way), etc. But I understand how difficult it must be to think about it all.

Is this a result of your mental health struggles or you really want a different life for yourself, out of your marriage, etc.? Just some things to think about.