I'm all over the place so definitely not doing so well here. Fleeting thoughts of SH/SI which are more annoying than dangerous. I have to watch for myself to withdraw and want to give up. That's what I did before and I did it so effectively that my therapist and psychiatrist didn't really know until I was in the hospital and had to sob out the truth to both of them.

I haven't done anything impulsive but that's probably got a lot to do with not feeling motivated enough to do the things I'm thinking about because the Seroquel high dose thing is just enough to make me feel like I want to be home and keep my agitation here. I'm more at risk on Mondays when I go to the city where they have actual good stores. Here we have an icky walmart and some dollar stores so it's easier to stay away. I need to go to Target Monday which should be interesting. I need one thing. How many will I leave with?

My voices are quieter since the high dose Seroquel but I'm paranoid. I had a rough time with people walking behind me while walking the dog because I was sure they were talking about me and saying bad things which I'm sure wasn't true. If anything they were talking about the dog but I don't know they even did that. It was all in my head.

So no, you're not alone.

I did a clinical trial when I was first diagnosed. One of the drs I didn't really like (another person who was in the same trial that I met in the hospital and I agreed he was manic himself) told me something that really stuck with me: "High functioning bipolar patients are the best actors in the world". And it's true. I went years fooling everyone before I finally was too sick and went on SSDI.