Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum, but looking for lots of feedback and tips for my issues, as they seem to be running my life. I’ll add that I am a 22 year old, bisexual female (comfortable with status), who was diagnosed with depression in 2011, anxiety in 2012, and ADD three months ago. The main problem I am facing at the moment is that I get overwhelmingly obsessed and addicted to certain people, not necessarily sexual, as I will explain.


With this obsession, I want to do anything in my power to make the other person happy, and I see them with different eyes, eyes that view the other as perfect, almost “God-like”. My relationships are like being addicted to a drug, I get the highs, lows, and withdraws, which happen daily. I’ll become attached to friends, teachers, doctors, and anyone who I respect and look up to. It is taking a big toll on my relationships, how people view me, and my sanity.
The first time I noticed this “addiction” was in my first year of university (2011), where I lived with a female roommate. We got along together from the start, and I thought of it as a normal friendship for a long time, until I started to feel more.


I have never been in a proper relationship before, but I know I was not feeling love, or lust, it was uncontrollable infatuation. I would think about her all the time, not be able to focus on school, and my life revolved around being with her and pleasing her. Anything she would say would affect me to such a high degree, such as if she said, “You’re looking pretty today!” I would feel an extreme rush of happiness that would set the tone for the rest of the day until something may set it off, such as her not wanting to go out for a drink with me. In that case I would feel extremely sad, worthless, expect that she’s mad at me, and not want to be my friend. In that case I would go through all the scenarios in my head on repeat, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I was always on edge because every action, or conversation was so planned out and over analyzed.


We continued our more-than-friends, close relationship throughout the school year. In the summer she moved back with her parents and I move back with mine, about 1.5 hours away from her. I was always willing to see her, in fact I even wanted to change jobs so that I could move closer to her, or live with her, but she didn’t seem interested. Each time we would meet I would get a little drunk and touchy and she began to show less interest, so I refrained from making any physical contact. It came to a point where I didn’t see her for two weeks at a time and it devastated me. I would think about how perfect we were and that I will never find someone to make me that happy again.


The less we talked, the more depressed I became, I was tired all the time, could not feel any sort of happiness, drive, or determination in life; I was a zombie. I couldn’t stop making lists of reasons she likes me, reasons she doesn’t, and examples for each. Then I would repeat these lists over and over in my head, sometimes changing parts around, to make a negative example more in my favor. I couldn’t handle it anymore, one day we met up with a group of friends and I got really drunk and started crying and confessing my love; not to her, but her new boyfriend, who she met that summer.


I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, so I decided to get away from everything and go traveling by myself. The first month was hard, as I was still feeling my withdrawal from her. Until……I found another girl. Long story short, almost the EXACT same thing happened, she showed interest in me, then seemed to back off when things became too much.


It took me over a year to get over both relationships, where I felt like a sack of flesh walking around with no joy, no substance, or care if anything were to happen to me. I decided to travel again and realized that the constant change and active lifestyle, along with lots of alcohol, distracted me enough to some-what get over the relationships.


I returned to university where now I am OBSESSED with my school PSYCHOLOGIST and one of my TEACHERS! As these people are older, my obsession doesn’t involve any sexual aspects, but instead I have a constant desire for their compassion, attention, and support. It’s kind of like a motherly figure that I seem to be looking for now (I do have an amazing mother, 3 hours away, but I don’t particularly miss her). I feel a strong need for somebody to hug me and listen to me. Since the psychologist’s job is to show support and compassion for people, I was immediately drawn into the relationship.
I am unable to control my feelings for these people, I want to be with my psychologist all day, and I want to MAKE HER HAPPY, show my appreciation to her, but nothing is enough. I have only been seeing her for about three weeks now and I already feel so strongly.


I KNOW none of these relationships are possible, or appropriate, but I can’t stop my unwanted, ruminating thoughts telling me that this relationship is the “best and only choice”, when I know it isn’t. I have driven some of my friends away, and weird-ed some out. I do not want this issue to take over my thoughts and have to battle with my mind constantly over what’s right and what’s wrong, while experiencing a constant roller coaster of emotions.

Has anyone experienced this before? Is it OCD, or borderline Personality Disorder?
All information, or tips will be helpful!

Thank you!