Thank you to everyone. Guilt is a heavy part of my episodes. It can be good because it helps me not do things that I shouldn't but it becomes overwhelming as time passes. I really appreciate the reassurances. I think that for some reason I blame myself that the normal approaches don't work for me.But that's not true. Medications don't work for me. Therapy is very beneficial and the right meds are great, it's just hard to find those meds.

On the very big plus side I just woke up from EIGHT HOURS of sleep and I think I'm going to fall asleep again if I don't feel less groggy soon. I guess that as the Emsam (AD) leaves my body the high dose Seroquel is getting a chance to work better. I only had to take half the valium last night as well. The only time I was awake my almost 20 year old, deaf, sometimes confused cat had been trying to wake me by knocking things off the shelf above my bed (she usually hits me so I must have been very sound asleep since this included a dry erase board, a bottle of pills, a book....but she succeeded in waking me when she tried to climb on the beside table and broke a glass. So I woke up from deep sleep to "glass breaking, huh?what?where? and then was up a while. The worst part is that she was meowing her head off and I couldn't move until it was mostly cleaned up and since she is deaf she doesn't get that I'm being soothing. And waking up to that plus a broken glass was a shock. But I got back to sleep and I really think I'm going to sleep some more now after I try to eat.