Hi all,

I'm new to this forum and hoping to make some friends and lend some support when I can. I need some support too. I'll introduce myself first.

I'm 45 and have had MDD most of my life. I do okay for the most part but I'm in a really painful time right now. I've had 4 periods of time in my life when I've SI'ed: I started when I was 7. I stopped for a long time. I had SI'd for a time in my 20's and then in my 30's and now at 45 it's here again! I'm a separated parent with one wonderful child who is 10.
I'm a travel agent. I have no family of my own as I left home at 19 (because of abuse) and never looked back.

I've been cutting and striking myself for about 2 weeks now. It's getting really hard to hide it from my co-workers and my son as the injury site is always my left arm.

What is really getting at me right now is how hard it is to share this information with my counselor. I want someone to understand how bad I hurt and acknowledge my pain but I'm scared. I apprehensively told my Psychiatrist about my SI this morning but as I predicted he really didn't really show much interest. That so pissed me off. It's not that I need to spend a bunch of time covering the topic with him, but it seems as though he (and some other professionals I've dealt with over the years) had little interest in this part of my life.

Right now I would just prefer to talk with others who SI. SI helps me get through the day and I don't want to stop at this point. I feel so alone on this one issue, I just want to know I have someone who cares. For me talking about SI doesn't make me want to SI. I'll quit when I'm ready.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a pity fest but I have no hope at the moment for a better life.