ok so hey guys. i was super nervous about Ts group. when i got 5 minutes away from his office i was like IM GOING HOME!!! but i went and stuck it out. i even talked a LITTLE. it was 6 of us, plus T. all women (except T ). we didnt have to do any icebreaker bs we just said our names and greeted each other. i sat in the far corner go figure...T said he definitely noticed that lol. i did the least talking out of the whole group but i did say some things. T mentioned that someone in the group has been working with him for a while and has been in a group with him before. i didnt say anything. then about an hour later he made a joke about the previous group and i said something that outed me as the person that has been in a group with him before. so now they all know ive known T for 5 years i told the group it takes me a long time to trust people, new ppl feel like a threat and that i tend to come across as i dont like people or that im a ***** but thats not my intention and not what im thinking. i was glad i decided to say that about myself because after i said that one woman spoke up and said thank u for sharing that because i already thought you didnt like me. i hate that i come across that way and i would like to change it. i think its because im so guarded. so im really glad i got that out there, i didnt want any of them to think i didnt like them or the group or whatever. it was fairly comfortable, everyone was nice. im still nervous about it, it will take me a while to open up. he asked me if he could describe how i was in his old group and i said ok and he said i couldnt last a whole group and i would leave like 15 min after it started. he said i didnt talk much but i eventually opened up and also took leadership roles at the program i was in. T said that he hopes i share my story because its pretty amazing. i hope i can share my story too but it has to be the right time. i think for now i will be more of a listener in the group and offer feedback when i feel necessary.

whew! it was scary but i did it. i think it will be a good group. its going to be a closed group which means no new people for at least 12 weeks. so it gives us time to trust and feel safe.

after group i had a session with T. i asked him if he was nervous about it too and he said yes...hehe. he asked how he did. i said u did good.

after T session i went to my friends house and we watched a lifetime movie. it was pretty ridiculous but its fun to lay there and make fun of it with her.

i woke up really early and went to bed late so i am pretty tired right now. but overall i feel good about things

thanks for reading if u made it all the way to the end!!!