Okay, I've flailed. I've been drinking again. I want to go to meetings again. I quit meetings because I have a social anxiety disorder that leads to depersonalization and panic attacks, so I can't say anything. When I do, everyone of us tries to say something at once, so what the body says comes out jumbled and confusing contributing to the anxiety. I can just sit and be sober. If I'm there, I'm not drinking.