Having been dxed since 2006, I can look back now - to like 2003 and see that I, the one who THOUGHT I was thinking those thoughts and thinking I was going crazy, was really - like you said- the mere puppet being moved... and for me, being thought THROUGH. Not realizing at the time what was going on and not knowing that the other internals could "use" me or channel?? through me, I thought those thoughts of wanting to die were mine. Later I learned that they weren't mine - but having one brain that we all share, it seems like it.
Make any sense?
Not saying this is true for you or trying to tell you your experience, but maybe knowing mine will help some....
hugs