P. nurse day. I don't know what to tell her... if I tell her nothing, she'll know we're keeping things from her (she knows us too well and can see the others behind my eyes). If we don't make eye contact, she'll also know that not only are we keeping things from her, but that something's wrong. I can't cancel, I have to keep with the safety planning of this whole wreck we got ourselves into.
Hence the mandated-from-within silence.
My wolf child did tell a little to new T, but it took such a toll on her (and us) that we were swapped out the rest of the day and crying between sleeping. Also had problems driving since we weren't grounded.
I can't tell any of that to pnurse per the letter that states she could take away my driving privileges if word came that things were getting worse. Not that they're any worse than my worst (if that makes sense) back in ...oh 2003-05, I guess. She hasn't known us for that long. I dunno if the letter she wrote just has to look official or if she can really do that. And I don't want to find out the hard way. And the others won't let me speak about things now that might get us in trouble.

No pressure. I'll have to try and fake it with her.... or maybe some internal who can can come forward.... 16 maybe? She's usually bright and cheerful (but not good at lying). Maybe 22 who is more cynical but better and saying what people want to hear. A lot of fears, worries, some urges and behaviors, some fear of behaviors.... I also feel like things are starting to build up - being pent up- and might explode. No good.
worried.