I wasn't strong enough to keep going. I gave in, self-harmed and now I just want to keep doing it.

I'm not going to tonight, I'm not stupid; I know that if I do and don't have any dressings or tissues, I'll panic and make everything worse.

Me and my boyfriend had a rough night the other night. It was my fault, I know that, I made a mistake and lost his trust. He said he was disappointed and upset but that we could get past it and move on. I believe this and I want to move on, but what he said and the consequence of what I did has gotten to me so badly. I feel worthless and stupid and what I did was selfish and just not okay. I know that and I came to that conclusion - before any of you say that my boyfriend is making me feel this way, he isn't.

I used to self harm, was clean for about a year, all my scars had healed. Everyone I spoke to said it was an addiction and they couldn't 'just' stop, but I did that; I 'just stopped'. But now I understand what people mean by addiction. For the past month I've felt this need to self-harm whenever I felt down or upset or anxious, I didn't because I didn't let those feelings get in. But tonight I gave in and I self-harmed and now I just want to self-harm all the time because for the brief time spent doing it, I felt a little less exhausted and overwhelmed by all of my emotions and feelings.

I'll stop rambling now.