I have an almost 20 year old cat. She supposedly has endstage kidney failure but I question that since all the symptoms went away when she went on a grain free diet. She wasn't supposed to live much more than a few months last June and instead she's gained 2 lbs and has been great.

I just picked her up from her bed and sometime in the last few days she has pulled all the hair out on her belly. She did this before when I was hospitalized the last time and then again in the first few weeks after I got home. Then they said it was anxiety or her kidneys and treated for anxiety since that would help either way. She's not had anxiety meds in a couple years.

I know she is very sensitive to my moods; she's spent her whole life with an unstable bipolar owner and she just knows. And it seems like my not doing well has been so stressful for her that it has caused this huge bald area where she pulled the hair out.

I hate this so much and can't do anything until Monday and that's tricky because I have therapy and that's an hour and 15 minutes away. So I have to count on getting in to the vet earlier or later. And there's nothing I can do until she sees the vet.

This blows the last of my money for this month. I knew she probably had a urinary infection and planned to take her Tuesday and that's not a horribly expensive visit b/c we do it frequently but this will be more. And I hate that things come down to money but they do and in this case money is just stressful. It always is but I had to take her in for a urinary infection last month and my other cat nearly died of pancreatitis so he ran up a huge vet bill that I'm paying off. This won't be enough to qualify for that plan so I'll have to either borrow it from my mother or put it on a credit card.

It seems like something always has to be hard. I know that's my mood speaking but I'm pretty sure this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me being so manic. And maybe I'd have noticed sooner if I weren't. we could have gone in today....

And if it's not the stress in this house that means bad things for her kidneys and I'm not ready to lose her.

This does explain the hairballs she's thrown up lately.

And this is too much to think about this time of night....

I liked it better 15 minutes ago when my worst problem was laundry that the musty smell won't come out of and I keep forgetting baking soda.