Your sons are adults. Do you have any boundaries in your relationships with each of them?

If they start to treat your badly or just being complete asshats! what do you do? Do you tell them to stop? Do you get up and leave? Do you ask them to leave? You do have a lot more control over your relationships with them than you probably think.

It's hard to make boundaries and harder still to enforce them.. You will need to probably literally sit them down and explain to them that you are there mother , but you will no longer allow there disrespect ,fooliness and stupidty any longer.. I doubt right now you could even tackle taking on the chore of making much needed boundaries.. but once you move and are getting settled .. actively work on a game plan as to how to approach them and stand your ground, I do imagine they won't like this "new fangle way of treating Mom" But .. enough is enough...

As for them calling and you not answering there calls , You can do that ., if it prompts them to rush over if you don't answer is a really big sign they love you, really. Personally I would just text them after you don't answer there call " Sorry I'm busy in the middle of some stuff, Thanks for calling , talk soon , I love you .