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Old Apr 25, 2015, 10:39 PM
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cashart10 cashart10 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: KY
Posts: 3,667
I am so sorry you are feeling depressed! You are such a sweet and compassionate heart and I have come to appreciate you and your posts. I'm sorry for the tears too.

I feel very similar to you. Instead of working though, I stay home while my husband works. And for me, that sometimes means just sitting on my butt wallowing in pity or self-loathing. Sometimes I wonder if I would do that if I worked a "real" job. I CERTAINLY didn't do it at all when I had a "real" job but that was also before my breakdown (I last worked 5 years ago, breakdown 3 years ago). We couldn't afford for me to work at this point (daycare, before and after school care) and my hubs thinks I can't work right now. Well, is it possible that my not working is making me crazy? When I had my breakdown, I was caring for 2 four year olds, 1 three year old, and 2 two year olds (mine, my niece and nephew, and my good friend's daughter). Did keeping all of those kids all the time make me lose my mind? I seriously consider it as a possibility. I used to be a career woman. I gave it up for my babies. I am glad I did but I'm uncertain that I should have done it. I also often wonder if I would be different if I was on or off the meds. My husband would not allow me to find out. There would be repercussions if I made the decision to stop the meds.
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
Hugs from:
Anonymous100205, Homeira
Thanks for this!
Homeira, raspberrytorte