My Support Forums - View Single Post - Would you date a man who can't support you?

Squaw · Apr 25, 2015, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walking Man

I want to ask women who WOULD date a man who could not support you, why so?

I'm asking because I have a hidden disability / chronic illness. Unemployment and underemployment are very high for people with my condition, and many, if not most cannot drive. That being said, if you met me you would see a healthy somewhat attractive guy who looks younger than he is. I'm somewhat inept socially, but I am funny and intelligent. I have a masters degree, and have worked a variety of jobs. The problem is that I have never been able to support myself for any length of time. I'm really struggling right now because I want very badly to pursue a relationship and marriage, but I'm afraid I just can't pull my own weight. The question in my mind is, "What can I offer a woman?" I'm really serious about that.

I've had lots of people tell me that "I'll meet someone", or "Everything will work out", "I'll find the right person", etc. They mean well but I'm afraid it's not very realistic. I can easily see a woman in my situation finding a husband, but not a man finding a wife, and anecdotally this seems to be true. I'm sure that lots of women probably would like to think this would be ok (equality, etc.), but I really can't see it. For me personally, I don't think I would deal very well with being dependent, but the worst would be the fear that at some point she would leave me. (From growing up I tend to see women as resenting men.) What we would do about having children is another thing. I can and do work, but I really think it would not be enough. Finding companionship, love, and all that is great, but I can't see that being enough for most women in the long term. Let me know if I'm wrong. The issue isn't who makes more, it's how she would see me.

So, if you are a woman why would you consider dating someone in a situation similar to myself? Or, if you actually did, and especially if you got married, how did it go?

Basically I'm trying to justify things to myself. It almost seems wrong to put myself out there, without more to offer. It wasn't as big an issue earlier in life because I was still very young, healthier, and had more potential.

I believe that if a person's heart is in the right place, things like what you describe shouldn't matter to the right person. Dating is just getting to know someone for starters..whatever came later should depend on both partners. I don't like shallow minded people who look for an easy way out of every situation..( Not meaning you ) I'm not entirely certain what your health problems pertain to, but I believe when two people fall in love with each other, they can and do overcome obstacles. You need to keep your chin up, stay positive, and maybe pray about this situation if you are inclined to, and let God provide that lucky lady..He's always in control if we let Him be..if you haven't applied for disability for your seizures, etc. then maybe you want to consider this..Don't look down on yourself; there is always someone out there much worse off. I hope I have helped in some small way, and not offended you at all Walking Man...