I am so sorry you are feeling depressed! You are such a sweet and compassionate heart and I have come to appreciate you and your posts. I'm sorry for the tears too.

I feel very similar to you. Instead of working though, I stay home while my husband works. And for me, that sometimes means just sitting on my butt wallowing in pity or self-loathing. Sometimes I wonder if I would do that if I worked a "real" job. I CERTAINLY didn't do it at all when I had a "real" job but that was also before my breakdown (I last worked 5 years ago, breakdown 3 years ago). We couldn't afford for me to work at this point (daycare, before and after school care) and my hubs thinks I can't work right now. Well, is it possible that my not working is making me crazy? When I had my breakdown, I was caring for 2 four year olds, 1 three year old, and 2 two year olds (mine, my niece and nephew, and my good friend's daughter). Did keeping all of those kids all the time make me lose my mind? I seriously consider it as a possibility. I used to be a career woman. I gave it up for my babies. I am glad I did but I'm uncertain that I should have done it. I also often wonder if I would be different if I was on or off the meds. My husband would not allow me to find out. There would be repercussions if I made the decision to stop the meds.