I fell in love with an alcoholic. So I've got some experience with this. What helped me a lot was what I learned from Al-Anon. The main lesson I got out of it was to not try to run his life for him. I know all about being fiercely loyal. A lot of that "loyalty" is an excuse to meddle in someone else's life.

So you are "coaching" this man, whom you no longer love, to a goal. Stop it. Don't appoint yourself his coach. Worry about your own goal of handling your depression. Stop trapping yourself in a situation where you are trying to manage someone else's life. You have more than enough to do managing your own. Stop keeping track of his drinking . . . whether he's on a bender, or not.

He may decide that he does not want to commit to sobriety. That is his right. The biggest thing you need to learn is that his drinking is his business, not yours.

This is a hard philosophy to embrace when we stubbornly insist that we are helping our alcoholic survive. It took me 12 years to let go. Best decision I ever made.