<font color="#880000"> </font> I actually have a profession but cannot seem to break into it at this time. Plust so many of the jobs available now are just horrible and they could not pay me enough to do them. The health field is putting its bucks only toward the most needy and that is not the population I work best with.

So I sludge along with these call center jobs plus an annuity that lasts for only 2 more years and I worry. I barely have enough money to live on. I have a house I love to death and cannot bear to part with. So I WORRY! Losing my house would not be something I could deal with; part of my soul would die if I lost it. I found out I need to refinance now instead of a year from now so I am frantically cleaning up my credit bureau info.

My dog died just over 2 years ago and I mourn him every day. I am all alone and I feel that my life is a never ending rut of the above. Never having enough money, never having love, never having my most beloved Beau back (I tried getting another dog and it was a disaster--when you have a truly fabulous dog anything less only reminds you of the dog you once had). I am always sad and underemployed. My meds are working pretty ok for a change. But my life just never changes. If I were in my 20s life would change because things are always going on at that age--but now? All I have is loneliness, loss, sadness, money woes, forget retirement!, and NO WAY OUT! Every year I say this is the end. It will end.. But it doesn't end. I search for jobs every day. Nothing that pays decently is there.

Do I feel hopeless? You bet. And I think I have every reason to see the situation as hopeless. Nothing ever changes. Every year is the same. My life is a failure that I have to live through for decades more. Alone, broke, and in grief. I see no end to this hell. Really I don't. I am tired up bucking myself up only to see the months change to years and that the situation is the same.

Alone, hopeless, old, sad, broke, scared all the time; a broken life......and having a life sentence here to life with this hell till the day I blessedly die.