He doesn't like HIMSELF and takes it out on you....In a nutshell. One person can't save a marriage. He needs to get help by himself.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud is an excellent resource,also.

We all need boundaries...emotional and physical. HE is causing all of the confusion and chaos in your marriage. Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and THEIR stuff is a big key in life.

All of our behavior is a CHOICE. He is choosing that behavior because he gets something out of it....trying to control, blame and shame you.