You know. I just like feel all Blah. I feel like calling a friend and spewing words about how crazy I feel etc and say things like I hate my life but I don't hate my life. I love my life but I just feel dread about having to get up and do tomorrow and then they can feel all like oh here we go again. Etc.

But guys I just feel down. I've been a little bit up a little bit down a little bit up pretty down really up a little down etc since my third trimester. But it is not unlike how I usually am. But it is. It is hard in one state to know and remember for sure what it all is really like. Is my normal stable or is this my normal just a little up and down. Seems a little more than my stable. I think right now I feel pretty down. But yesterday I felt pretty happy in the morning. Maybe I will be happy tonight and this post will be a moot post except it's not because this is Bipolar. See I am a stay at home mom with three kids under six and it is HARD. And I cant tell if I am exhausted and everything seems so hard because I am depressed or because I am actually really exhausted and it is extremely hard for me to do anything with them. Everything from just getting downstairs in the morning to making snacks for everybody to leaving the house for any reason to just reading a book to everybody is insanely frustrating and difficult. I long for the day when they are all happily grown and when I feel depressed I can just lie the **** down!

Ugh. I'm just Blah. I love my life. I am SO blessed. I am SOOO grateful I get to stay home with my kids. But it is so hard. And I feel down.