I always felt bad and guilty when my friends had to deal with me. They dealt with some crazy things, seen my land in the ER several times, have had to deal with my black outs and panic attacks. They never understood what was going on but they were always there. They never knew I was bipolar, per se, I wasn't diagnosed with the disorder back then, which is over twenty years ago.

Now that I have been diagnosed with this disorder, I don't tell most people. I don't want to burden them with what my old friends had to deal with, the guilt is still there, and I feel like they wouldn't understand, and I don't want anyone else to have to deal with me. Thus, I rarely go out with the few friends I have now. I try to deal with it on my own, but it's hard, an everyday struggle.

As for my old friends, they live in another state, and most of them still don't know that I'm bipolar- I haven't told them and that was the reason why I went through Hell and that I put them through Hell.

My wife is very understanding and real supportive and has seen me go through a lot of craziness and she's dealt with a lot of craziness. I feel bad for her that she has to deal with me, but I guess that's the power of love. She's my best friend, but still I feel bad and guilty.

Looks like I'm not alone.