i encourage you to set up an appt with a therapist to discuss this issue. it would be helpful for you to be able to develop worth for yourself that you can gain from yourself. your posts sends up some red flags that were similar to my sister who had borderline personality disorder. she would become infatuated easily as well and become very angry at the person and suicidal. it makes sense thaat you may be trying to fill a void left by the loss of your mother. therapy would help you be able to cope with that as well.