Hi folks,

I feel so bad. I almost made it three weeks without cutting. Ahhh! I was so close!

I've been having a problem with SI for a few months now. My T has been trying to get me to stop, but it's just so hard. It's hard to fight the urges. It's even worse because I have OCD and thus can't just stop at a little cutting--it has to add up to a certain numerical value. So now I have 20 new cuts on my arm, which brings my cutting total up to 37 (I had 17 cuts on my left arm previously, but they've scarred over). They're deep this time too, bleeding all over the place. At least they're all on my outer arm, so I won't be in danger of bleeding to death. Oy vey.

I'm ashamed to see my T on Monday. He's been praising me on my good progress thus far, so I know how disappointed he'll be when he sees my new marks. He always checks, so there's no way I can hide it from him (not that I should). He'll want to know why I cut myself this time. Not to mention I have classes at my university tomorrow and two of my professors are psychologists! Ai! They're so nosy! How will I hide the cuts??

I hope no one minds my little outburst. I kinda don't have anyone to talk to, so I sometimes need a place to vent. Heh heh. I'm just dreading tomorrow.....

Thanks for reading and please take care.

Hugs,

Ronni