I would appreciate it if you can help me out. So it's been a few months since my break from therapy and today I saw a note I had made years ago from one of my sessions, when the T had said meditation/mindfulness will really help me and if I take one thing from the sessions, that should be it.

I had tried it for a while then gave up. Partly because sitting had made things so painful it was my least favorite part of the day, forcing me to sit for 15 minutes in a position that made my tension much worse and I would perspire heavily and could not think of anything but pain, after 3-4 minutes into my sitting sessions (even on a pillow). So I tried to lie down, but would fall asleep or otherwise did not feel I was really self aware, like I would fantasize and lose myself. So I gave up.

But I'm thinking of doing it again. But how?

Also why should it work?

Is the idea that present, in objective terms, for must of us who are very depressed or anxious, is much better than we perceive it to be (in our mental state of being tied with past and anxious about future but never present) so that if we let emotions come and go and not hold on to them then they will finally lose their hold on us and can't scare us or hurt us, and we can be fully present and free of pain and suffering? And how long would that take?

It's also philosophically confusing, and I browsed a couple of books on meditation, and I was like, What? Like to sit with no goals or wanting to achieve something and yet I'm sitting for some reason, and I think most people start meditating to feel grounded or less anxious or something, cause why else would you just sit for 15-20 minutes in your room with your eyes closed and not play a computer game to distract yourself from your pain and misery?

Appreciate your help.