There's always been this chaos and negativity and aggression in my life, and the worst thing is, I even lack the means to express it all when talking to people because it's all so bottled up in me that I can only shout these things out in anger and that gives people a very distorted view of what I'm going through. But I refuse to accept everything about having BPD is bad and hopeless... In a way, I like that it makes me different and it makes me think about things that have never occurred to others. Perhaps I've spent so much time working through my moods that I've built a whole ideology on it... Or perhaps if I didn't think that way I could just lie down and die because my whole life's been a complete mess.