I really don't know what to say hun, you like what you like. A fantasy life is not a bad thing until one starts inflicting their fantasy on to non-willing participants. That's when one crosses the line IMHO.

Unless your a sexual rapist, you'll do fine with tha ladies. You'll find one or two that are also into what you are into, desiring what you have to offer. It's not like everyone's cut from the same mold, I t just takes a little dating.

I like watching all the hard stuff, and actually enjoy personal acts of self-deprivation, but I will not force it on to others without their permission first. After I talked about it with my various partners, I find out most of the time that they are into it or are even more freak on it then I am! If they say no, then that's the end of that. Don't beat yourself up over yourself, or do yourself a favor and quit doing it. Maybe you have a career in the porn industry as an editor?

I hope that helps because I've found peace with it as long as I am true about it.