i feel exactly the same.. it's always the same relapses and i don't even know where they come from or what causes them??

but i'm positive that one day, i'll get out of this. i have to. for myself, yes of course, but also to show others (esp my family who's given me the most ****) that i can be who i am and i can do what i believe in and not be confined by our society's standards.

You too, will get out of it. you posting here on this website is already a big step, it shows you're trying, that you're looking for help, that you want to see a change.

and remember that you are allowed to give yourself some rest, too. take a day off work/school and just do whatever makes you feel good. stay in bed for the whole day, treat yourself to a cup of coffee or beautiful new clothes, or new music or a new book or anything that works for you.

please stay strong, keep fighting, it will get better one day, i promise you.