I've looked into disability (applied twice), but it looks like I would be worse off in every way on disability, including financially. I'm looking at something like $600 a month, minus housing. I may not be able to support myself, but I can do better than that.

I don't have a teaching certificate, getting one would essentially mean getting another master's. Teaching professionally is basically a closed door. I've been inventive and tried everything.

BearPaws: That's the thing. You have to get past having coffee! I feel the same about being judged. Our whole society is becoming so impersonal and superficial.

It is HARD to meet people, and it's getting harder as I get older. I don't have a social circle, my friends and family live thousands of miles away. I'm not 25 anymore, I'm 40. Nobody my age "hangs out" anymore. Most women of my age and education (or 10 years younger) are professionals. They don't want to go out with me for the same reason employers won't hire me. There are lots of better options. It's really hard for me to be outgoing, and I go way out of my comfort zone, but I'm so discouraged. It's not just women either, so many things have come to nothing the past 15 years. I've given up trying to figure it out. At some point you do start asking yourself, "What is so terribly wrong with me?" You would think by sheer accident something would happen. In a million years I would never have imagined myself where I am today. I'm not saying this to be down on myself, but you really do feel worthless after so long. I did all the stuff I was supposed to. Didn't drink, no drugs, no smoking, didn't fool around, respected my parents, treat women with respect, finished school, finished grad school, took responsible risks, did jobs I didn't like for longer than I liked. I have faults too, but I'm just not THAT bad. I'm grateful for what I have, it could be a lot worse, but I just don't know where to go from here.