Hey Almeda!

Thanks for all the food for thought. I know you said I don't have to answer those, but I'll say a few things anyway. Social anxiety really only affects me personally (not so much in my line of work which doesn't involve a lot of social interaction). No, I basically haven't made my needs known in relationships. I didn't even realize how much I kept to myself prior to therapy. But now I'm realizing I didn't even figure out what I needed, much less mention it! Slowly I figure out what would be useful in group, but I have about a million reasons not to mention those things. I think it's mostly social anxiety. Dammit I never wanted to work on social anxiety (being perfectly content to avoid uncomfortable social situations for the rest of my life), but I can't work on the other stuff without doing that at the same time. How frustrating! Yes, I think my therapist would be disappointed if I quit. I also know that I would be disappointed because, in spite of all the crap and the real fear that there may be nothing there that I want, I have some thought that I haven't looked hard enough. Like I should at least give it a real try before blowing it off completely. But apparently I'm going to be a total grouch and whine for weeks on end before I actually start trying. I don't have a clue when I'll suddenly have enough nerve to experiment by saying something that I needed. I may not ever have that and may just get fed up in the interim. And it's a lot of effort to put in when I can't even say for sure what it is that I want there. It just confuses me.

But in the absence of knowing what I want to do, I can often say what I will do. And that is: not quit just yet. Dunno if I'll get anywhere by staying, but that's the current plan for group.

Blah!

Hope this post makes sense as it's late. Just got in and am about to go to bed....

G'night!
Sidony