Typically, the more "control" a person demands, the more out of control the person is inside and often that is based on a "deep fear" too. It is not unusual for an individual to not truely be in touch with that deep fear either. A person that is challenged like this can actually have cycles where they are doing things to give them a sense of control, then they struggle and retreat into themselves. Often they struggle when it comes to actually working and maintaining. This person can feel "threatened" if they are in a job where "others" are in contol, they can get so they loath their place of employment, after all if they can't have their sense of control, they struggle too much internally.

With your husband, it seems like this is a pattern that is challenging him with you, his friends, and his job. My husband ran to alcohol and so did his friends and he did "blame me" when I interfered with "when he needed to do just that" too.

Even the most educated and intelligent people do this. They too "don't talk" in their own ways and they simply don't know "how" to function without having their sense of "control" in place. They tend to continuously draw lines (some kind of boundary), but they don't know how to really interact in a "healthy" way and they tend to often look at everyone as a threat somehow. This isn't the kind of person to build a life with and expect a healthy relationship. You will only end up being a codependent. That is what you chose to do when you allowed "him" to stay in the house while you went couch hopping. You gave him permission to treat "you" badly. Oh, and it's "your fault" too right?