Lately i've been so happy the thoughts of had vanished for about 6 months. Today at this very moment they appeared outta no where. Something in my head keeps saying do it! But I don't want to die but my mind keeps saying do it! And I keep thinking what if i do. I love myself my life everything. But why am I here?

I love myself I love my life is what I keep saying to myself. But all I keep thinking is just do it. Something in my mind keeps saying I keep saying I don't want to I don't want to. I'm so close to doing it. But I don't want to. All the tears that fall from my face is for my mother my cousin for my loved ones. I know if i do this they will hurt. But so bad and I also don't. I wanna live life happily not with these thoughts.