Lately, I have been feeling like crap. More so than I often did in the past, because usually the grief I had before was temporary and while I take longer than many people to move past a bad spell, I am still hurting from that court case. I've been depressed for ages and all I keep thinking about was about how much I was stung.

I realize we cannot dwell on the past forever, but this all still feels quite recent to me. It was only just over a year ago I lost my key worker when the seniors lied, but it all actually started in 2013 with Joanna and then with Sara. That is not counting all the Internet bullying and that Laura using me for my money.

I lost my flat, my workers, I have this extended supervision agreement which is mandatory so I can't miss appointments without a good excuse, and I can no longer have support from Autism Initiatives. Not that they really "initiated" anything but pain for me. They are not even answering any of my emails and it is sad to feel so betrayed and abandoned when I relied on them so much. The court also ruled out me going to their office in Edinburgh (probably because they know I loathe this Cathy who is the assistant head).

This is why I don't really trust anybody now. I trusted them and look how far it got me. Where is my flat and caregivers now? Once I do get another flat (whenever that is) and I am in it, I will not feel happy. Nobody will see much of me. I'll just be vegetating in it. Sure, I will have my own space again, but that's all it will be. There will not be any staff there. People think that's a good thing so I cannot be told what to do, but I miss having someone next door to talk to, as the sleepover flat was right next door to me before.

I don't even have many friends. People I message on Facebook either ignore me or block me. I've got two older male friends. That is it. Plus, I do not work and I have bad anxiety, which rules out me doing much. I've basically hit rock bottom and I cannot crawl out of that pit of despair.

I find I don't really enjoy music much at times either. I joined an extras casting site, but it wants you to pay more to upgrade. Typical. And I just feel shallow. I'm losing interest in life, fast! I feel as if I have wasted a lot of years on the wrong things, but my low confidence has left me distraught and unmotivated.