It was a bad day today. Woke up late, and spent the next five hours in a depressive funk, the worst one in ages. I didn't realise I had this many tears in me.

It feels like everything's my fault. My boyfriend and I had a minor disagreement (now patched up), felt like it was my fault (it was possibly). I rang up my counsellor (closest thing I have to a T) for an appointment, and couldn't get one til week after next. Again, felt like my fault, like if I wasn't so screwed up it'd be easier for her to see me. It rained, and I'm almost positive that's my fault too. And I have a chemistry exam to worry about next week, yet it took much persuasion from my bf to even get me outside today.

I'm angry too. I really thought I was winning this time. I thought I knew how to fight it. But each day is getting harder, not easier. I'm almost as bad as I've ever been, and I'm really scared that the support network I've built up since the last bad time isn't strong enough to withstand this. I feel like I don't deserve my friends, my boyfriend, my life.

It's passed, for now. I feel.... shattered. I don't know how many more days like these I can take, and I don't want to give up but it's just so hard.....