Hi and welcome to Psych Central. Sorry to hear you had and are having thoughts of doing harm to yourself. Have you talked to your therapist about your thoughts? Or a psychiatrist or pdoc that can prescribe meds.

People that are challenged by these kinds of thoughts are recommended to form a safety plan.
Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, you might want to contact your doctor or psychiatrist and tell them what is happening so you can make adjustments.

This article talks about self care. Seeing what you have been through some self nurturing may be just what you need along with some hugs.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

I can't really sleep for long because I have problem with time. People around me started to talk about how 3 years passed or how they were before but they didn't actually remembered a lot but I have a good memory so I remember almoat everything so I can really feel that time goes by and that scares me so I'm trying to stay awake as much as I can. Plus, I can't sleep for too long because I almost every hour or two waking up.


I absolutely know how you feel. I wonder at times if I'm lonely because I'm depressed or depressed because I'm lonely. I believe the answer is that depression is the source of my loneliness and bad feelings toward everything. Taking medication did help me return to more normal thoughts. I don't have many friends either so I have to help myself. This is my advice to you. You need to tell your parents and get help. If they say nonsense, insist that they take you seriously and tell them you need to see a doctor. You are worth it!

I told them I feel like I need to go to psychologist and they said fine. 2 years passed and that didn't happen so I realized already that there's no way that I'll go to psychologist until I become an adult and go and I'm sure that they'll say that I have issues from my childhood and that's it.

There are people who care. It is your mind playing tricks, distorting what you see and feel from people

They care. They may not understand, your condition may make them uncomfortable but they care

Reach out

You owe it to you

No, I'm serious, nobody loves me. I thought about who might love me but there is none. I used to believe that at least my dad loves me a bit but i found out that he thinks I'm a bother and I don't even understand why! I barely talk (I have a problem with expressing my feelings) so I think to myself "what is it? Is it my face? My body? Am I so disgusting to hang out with?"

bloodyapple, I know how it feels like to want to reach out but to be also held back by your own self. I know how it feels to have parents not truly understand the experience that you are going through. Exactly how you have described it - parents saying it is all "nonsense".... In a perfect scenario your parents would be the first people that you reach out to. Unfortunately, sometimes, they do not make themselves available in the way you wish they did as they have their own problems to work through and cannot see things from their children's perspectives... Reach out to whoever you can at the moment. If not your parents, consider talking to a trusted friend. Would seeing a psychologist be an option for you?

I don't have any friends but I have maybe one that I talk with sometimes and we share a hobby but she is mostly annoying because she most of the time telling to everyone one how she is better than anyone and I just can't stand it.