hey, thanks for all the replies.

Alwayschanging2: like above - i found your post seriously helpful.
I'd only ever be down for doing - anything, with a girl if she was into it.

I know i'll find someone who's got similar interests as me, some day.
and i laughed so much at my future prospects as an editor. hehehhh

that helped massivley, and being true about it is the only thing that helps me.
When i try and deny the way things are; i don't feel alive / myself.
in fact i went through some massive period of denial - in which i didn't watch any pornography for 6 months.... - which was just avoidance - OCD.... or maybe just avoidance...

but, i just really ..... alot of the stuff on the net, is .... well consentual, but i wander how much the financial incentive feeds into the consent...
and that's what makes me not want to watch it: but with my serious Body Dysmorphic issues..... i'm in no place to have any kind of relationship - so porn is the only way i have,, of having a 'sexual experience' ....
So for now it's no sexual anything, or porn.
sigh..

CANDC - thanks for your response, i do think i need to talk to someone who specialises in this area.... - i mean i need to get my head straight in terms of OCD,,, so that doesn't add a layer of confusion.
However after i tackle my OCD i might benefit from a specific therapy..... - the idea of sex therapy is absolutley terrifying to me though....

thanks, all again,
Circles5