I didn't "get rid of" my stepmother until she died when I was 51 :-) A lot of stuff is drilled into us and it takes getting away from it somehow before we realize it doesn't have to be that way. My T was a good help there, pointing out and illustrating alternative ways things could go. But just having too much or shutting it off so there's "nothing" doesn't work very well. There's middle ground out there but it is wholly different from what one has known before; it's not about perfect or not-perfect and what others expect. It has to start inside with what you want for/from yourself. When you "lead" in your life, the other players have to follow. And, since it is your life and you're enjoying it and leading well, etc. you look attractive so they are falling all over each other to follow but since you're "happy" as you are, you can pick and choose to be around those people you enjoy and who are kind and helpful, etc.