I have a friend who knows that I do it, but not much else. He wants me to talk about it with him, thinking that if I can talk about it, maybe I won't do it, or that he can help me. But I can't talk about it with him. I'm horribly ashamed of the fact that I do it, and was mortified when he found out. So whenever he sees me get sad, or upset, he wants me to talk to him, which is a wonderful thing, except I can't. I feel like I have to justify it, to the extent I've been lying to him about what's wrong so that I don't look like I'm freaking out over nothing. And this just adds to the guilt, because I'm laying burdens on him that aren't true, and can't tell him what really is the problem. Now it's gotten to the point where I can't tell him the truth without exposing the lies, and letting him know how bad my SI behavior really is. I'm scared that if I do this, I'll lose him as a friend and then I really don't know what I'd do. He's basically my last lifeline at the moment. It's been driving me up that wall, and has both of us really upset at each other. How do I tell him about what's going on without losing him?