My boyfriend and I have been together a year and some change now and I think we fight like most couples, I think that much is normal and healthy. But I've had difficulty getting over something recently and I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or not.
When we're hanging out, its pretty normal that if I leave the room, he'll grab my phone and set a funny photo of his face as my background, and I love it and I think its hilarious. So he just finished up with a huge load of schoolwork and was feeling sick and exhausted and I had ordered him soup and was trying to help him feel better. He walked out to go take a shower and I wanted to leave him a funny photo of me on his phone to make him laugh and so I take the photo and I go to photos to set it as the background and he has 2 pictures of this girl from his class. Both photos are zoomed in on her cleavage.
Its a girl I know he said he used to have a crush on before he dated me and she sits right next to him all the time.
And I immediately thought "oh some jackass from class probably wanted him to send them those photos" so I try to look on there to see if he had sent them and he hadn't. And I've never snooped on his phone like that, I felt slimy.
I also wondered if he had taken other photos like this I'm unaware of. I mean to check out a girl in passing, I do the same thing with men, that's 100% understandable. I don't understand the necessity of a picture though.
We had a good fight about it where he basically said he's a man and that
and that sometimes he just checks a girl out and I'm fine with that. I just feel creeped out by the fact that he took a photo, like to save it for later or something. He has been very kind about it though, he deleted them, apologized about 100 million times, and he said it was just a mistake and a dumb idea.
Now I just feel like it's difficult to trust him and after the fight I just hardly wanted him to touch me. I just feel like he is just slimy to me now. I want to hug him but touching him and looking at his face makes me sad.
To be quite honest, it makes me feel very inadequate. I just feel like I'm not enough. I'm a nerd who dresses in whatever is comfortable, not some girl who wear skirts and v-necks. I mean if he took a picture of her, does that mean that's what he wants in a woman? Is that how he wishes I'd dress?
We had plans to start a lease together in August and live together for the first time, I wonder if we should discuss pausing that for another year. If I keep feeling so alienated and unattractive to him, I really don't want to live with him and have things go sour.
Am I over-reacting to this whole situation?
Is my reaction normal?