I think the other thing that's really bothering me is that the writer who she treated wrote a book that was based on her own experiences with ritual abuse and therapy, and I know the therapist in her book is based on the T that my T wants me to see, and I was absolutely obsessed with this book when I was a teenager because the T in the book is so motherly to the writer's character, hugging her, holding her hand, just being so understanding, and the writer kept saying that this T saved her life and wished the T could be her mother...and I don't want to open that whole can of worms all over again. Also it just seems cruel. It's like if the lady who played Ms. Honey in Matilda invited me over to her cottage for tea and cookies. Obviously it's not the real thing, not the same thing as in that movie, which I was also obsessed with as a child, but it's teasing...