I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! Don't be hard on yourself! It's your pdoc's job to work with you and for you and I personally think it's ridiculous if he is "intense and mad" with you about this. You just wanted to try a new medicine. My doc actually suggested an anti-depressant and I have horrible and occasionally very psychotic manias. I did fine with it. It is not irrational to want an antidepressant even if most docs won't do it. I'm sure you are a great patient!