I hate the way I relate to people. I hate that I have a ridiculously destructive fear of abandonment. I hate that I feel clingy and dependent. I hate that I can't seem to have normal relationships. I hate that I keep telling myself I'm going to stop being so worried and hurt all the time but I can't. I also know this is all me. I just can't seem to find a way to stop or to make my life more stable. I hate that I'm so hurt right now and I kind of know it's irrational. It scares me, I feel really ****ed up, like I don't deserve any relationships with anyone until I can stop being such a ****ed up human being. I keep wondering if I worm my way around the boundaries of what makes everybody comfortable. If I don't notice how other people feel. I feel like there's something seriously wrong with me as a human being. If I do these things, I don't mean to.

I'm hurting so badly I can't seem to cope with it.

I don't want to attach desperately to people anymore because it leaves me hurt and broken, but I can't seem to stop. I'm scared. I don't feel like anything can help me and this self-hatred is overwhelming.

How can someone claim to love me but turn their back so coldly? And say it's all my fear of being abandoned.