I wanted to ask some advice. I’ll try to keep this short, but need to give some background.

Background: Several years ago my daughter and my niece had some teenage drama occur during their softball season in high school. Actually 2 years in a row there was drama. It was stupid teenage drama stuff between the girls. They eventually worked it out. However, each time my niece went home crying that my daughter was being hateful to her. The first time, my sister came over to my house (while I was gone) and got in my daughter’s face, pushed my 18 year old son to the ground and was just out of control. The 2nd time, she tried to get my daughter expelled from school.

Up until about 6 mths ago, she continued to call me and my daughter names through text messages, emails and on occasion, even during family get togethers. Finally about 6 mths ago, she emails me and says she feels her action and behaviors are justified, but she’s sorry for the past and we just need to get over it, pretend like it never happened and quit causing pain to mom.

My problem is that she’s saying 2 things here; she thinks she’s right in how she treated us but she is sorry for it. That’s not much of an apology. I can’t seem to just let it go and pretend it didn’t happen. We weren’t brought up to treat others like this and especially family. My family just wants me to pretend it never happened, like they have always done with her behavior. They all hate confrontation. It’s easy for the instigator and the people it doesn’t affect to pretend it never happened, but it did and I feel like we are encouraging her to continue treating people like this if we once again pretend it never happened. She has done this all her life and I’m done dealing with it. She’s 47 years old and still doesn’t have a clue how to communicate rationally and calmly. I don’t speak to her, or about any of what happened to anyone. I just go on with my life. I chose a long time ago that her negative behavior wasn’t something I wanted in my life.

It hurts when my family makes me feel like the issues between us are all my fault because I won’t just pretend it never happened.

My question is how do I get over this or do I? I hate how it hurts my mom, it’s almost mother’s day and she’s very upset that it is still going on. Maybe I'm asking the wrong question. Any advice?